Conversation

between toad

and Anonymous

Received e-mail from;

Anonymous,

so where did the addition stem from…and what is your d.o.c.?
are you resigned to continue using?
i only ask because I’m currently asking the same of myself. ..
respectfully, 
Anonymous.

So where did the addition stem from?

And what is your d.o.c. (Drug of choice)? 


Are you resigned to continue using?

I only ask because I’m currently asking the same of myself…


E-mail sent to Anonymous

By toad (chris jensen)

Hello again,

so where did the addition stem from…  I came from an very abusive home-life, Heavy physical, mental and sexual abuse.  Stemming from my father above all else.  (My father passed away a year ago, now I don’t lay blame with him it is just one those things which happened in my family tree and hopefully the buck stops here!)  I had found out through peer-pressure what drugs did to make the pain softer, little did I know, I would have a addictive personality —– Hence ADDICTION

what is your d.o.c.?  My drug of choice is power cocaine, however do to poor quality, I have been using a lot of jib and smoking rock cocaine.

are you resigned to continue using?  No, I continue because it’s the only thing I know, I 55 years old retired don’t see much use in changing my life style.

I not saying that it is the right thing to do, only what I have done as of lately.  There were many years in my passed where I had desperately tried to quit, many treatment centers and detoxes, nonetheless at one point I did have 3 years of sobriety.  In those three years, I didn’t much like who, I had changed into, rather than who I was before my addiction really took ahold of my life.

I am happy with parts of my life there are some, which just piss me off, until I am able to do something about the parts which piss me off.  I live on the street by choice it doesn’t seem right to bring some my drug induced bullshit into other people’s lives, only one my reasons for living on the street there are many more.  My name is on family property holdings, which I will most likely hand down to my children, us see it is set-up in a way that I cannot touch, and why because I am an addict…

If you would like to know more simply ask.

Life is good what more could I ask for I will carry on Happy, joyous and free.

I hope that this little piece of my life helps in some way…

Any more questions just ask?

toad (chris jensen)

Received e-mail from;

Anonymous,

thanks for such honesty…
my back story is Similar in regards to abuse…at the hands of many stepfathers. ..my dad (I see him in you) was a kind man and a raging addicts. ..he to left when I wad young ..in a letter I was given at 11 …he told me he would rather live on the streets than expose me to the addictau mind. he over dosed a few weeks later and the day I found out I ate acid for the first time.
I’ve used every thing…but but my doc….heroin…dilaudid. ..oxy….anything poppy will do.
I teach martial arts and no one knows     detox and rehab twice.
I was clean for a few years….but here’s the deal.
at 14 I contracted HIV via blood transfusion. 
the drugs make me feel human….HIV for 22 years is ugly and painful .
someday I feel like a sellout. ..but I just want some peace and beauty. 
in a perfect world I choose sobriety. ..but I can’t remember 
who I am sober. almost like I’d rather take my own life than let this disease take it.
I don’t talk to anyone about this….fear of judgement? ….you…I feel safe.  ok with honest. ..I needed this yet didn’t know how much…so thank you. 
I think my father would be happy we crashed into each other

usually not so long winded…jus wanted you to knows I get it…
you have a good heart… I’m glad to have met you. ..at exactly the right time.
respectfully, 
Anonymous.

E-mail sent to Anonymous

By toad (chris jensen)

Hello,

Would you mind if I made a post about what we talked about leaving any name or reference leading towards you out?

toad (chris jensen)

Received e-mail from;

Anonymous,

lol Not at all

A quite refreshing moment, in toad’s world with help from Anonymous.

 

toad (chris jensen)

Received e-mail from;

Anonymous,

hey dearoldtoad

I liked reading that. ..(you are always welcome to fix my typos lol)….that was the closest ill ever come to talking to my dad…and it was pretty damn  cool.
tanks.

E-mail sent to Anonymous

By toad (chris jensen)

dear Anonymous,

Thank for the comment!  I am glad you like the read…

Are not father the strangest people, now mine is gone, he is never out of my mind!  I’m OK with that, I will Keep is memory alive through my post of plants (This is where I talk often of my father, so every-time you see a post about plants its for my father) as ugly as the past was at times, he still my father dead or alive I loved him…

About the type-o’s

Well thats you!  Why would I want to change who you are, beside I like you, I don’t have the right and will not even go there…  (Anyway I love the typos!  You should see what I come with when I’m writing, with dyslexia, poor grammar and extremely bad spelling…)  My first read is sometimes very scary, nonetheless I’m still doing my best to write….

So I say; don’t sweat it I understood what you asked…

Fondest regards toad (chris jensen)